I just wanted to offer some veteran advice to all of you newbies out there....just a few helpful hints.
First....how to handle the "water boarding"....I have found that if you spoon feed yourself at least a cup of table salt with breakfast each day you will find that getting the 12 cups of water into your oral orifice will be much easier.
Second....keep spinach leaves handy. Spinach leaves are surprisingly tasty when are starving yourself to death to win a silly dieting competition. They are kind of like marshmallows - you would be amazed how many you can fit in your mouth at one time (my personal best is 62 leaves).
Third....use Maalox (you can substitute 2 cups of jalapenos if you dont have Maalox)to shed those last few lingering pounds before weigh in. This is a dirty trick that my celestial sister (Sara) taught me. Thanks Sara, it came in very handy on that last week when we sealed our victory over the spineless "Dos Mas Porfavor" team.
Fourth.....avoid any advice you receive from other team members (except me, but especially Stacy). For instance, I am sure you will here things like..."you are not eating enough calories", or "you need to add some peanut butter to that for protein", or "try your In N Out Burger animal style Ty, its great". Which by the way, I now know what that means - and yes Todd, I agree, it was very tasty! Just to emphasize - not even "Mothers" can be trusted.
Anyways, now you guys know all the "secret combinations" that may give you a chance against seasoned dieting veterans like the Thighmaster team. Good luck!
5 comments:
the game hasnt even started and you have to bring out the "JRA" thing....you are no longer my celestial sister. You are now a daughter of perdition.
Have you ever tried a jalapeno suppository? It works wonders, especially if you are a jra.
Tyler, how can you doubt me -- your mother of utmost integrity?
Its been easy to doubt you mother - from my conception I have had to deal with many injustices. I am not sure where to begin..vodka in my feeding tubes, evil babysitters (Stacy), horrible hammer beatings, and sporadic verbal abuse (ie JRA references). And these dont even include what my father has dealt out!
Tyler, you are only upset because of your bad haircut (what is with those bangs?) and horrible bleach job. Don't blame everyone else for your problems--it's called KARMA
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