Reckoning

Week 8 total - 690 (sorry Dan!)

I can really relate to what Kristin said - I hit an emotional brick wall at Week 2 this time around. I saw a "magic number" on the scale that I had not seen for many, many years. I had 5 pounds to go, to weigh what I did when I got pregnant with my last baby (20 years ago - yeah, I know). I have sabotaged myself the rest of the time. I have lost the same 4 pounds three times in this contest, for a net loss of...... 1.4 lb.! Every time I would see that "magic number," my free day would be this unbelievable, out-of-control episode. Then it would be like an alcoholic waking up hungover and ashamed, and I'd spend the rest of the week trying to play catch up. And I did lose my good habit points several times this time around, because of the emotional issues that hit me like a brick in the face.

I'll probably have to write about this later; the bottom line is that I've learned that I have completely, totally tied my self worth to my weight and size. That message started in my early adolescence and has only been reinforced over and over again throughout my life. Every time I hit a weight "breakthrough" - I freak out.

Considering the level of my freak-out, it's amazing I did as well as I did this time around. I really did, with very few exceptions, keep myself to the out-of-control eating on my free days. I've continued to be done eating at 7:30 p.m. I've eaten so much more fresh fruits and vegetables, as you may have heard. :) I have not missed a day of exercise for twenty weeks now. I've paid more attention to eating five meals, which was more challenging than I thought! And then there's the water. Well, don't need to tell you guys.

So - even though my net weight loss is pathetic this time, I'm happy I did this contest again. It really did reinforce habits for me, and give me more incentive to continue. I have a plan for my next eight weeks, or until we start this up again in the fall. I have loved reading your blogs - it's been inspirational. And also silly. Good luck to all of us with this personal journey - I want to keep my GAME ON for life!