Week 6

This week's score: 642 points

Being a closet addict really caught up with me this week. Since the first round of this contest, I've been able to reign in my compulsive/emotional eating until free days, and then work like crazy to play catch-up the rest of the week. I managed to move forward and still lose weight the first round. But the 2nd contest I ended up losing the same 4 pounds over and over, such was the ferocity of my "binging" on the free day. Well, that's what's happening this go-round too, but worse. The emotional pain I'm experiencing is so acute AND chronic, that I can barely breathe some days. This week, it's been so bad that I couldn't even wait until free day to anesthetize with food.

I remember feeling like the contest rules were stacked against me the first time around. To lost 1% of my beginning weight every single week was a very tall order, since I am so significantly overweight. And I only lost the 1% 3 of the 8 weeks, which is why I lost - fairly, because of the set-up of the rules. The second round, when there was no weight rules, only points for habits, I worked hard because I knew I could control that. But, because of the "no weight loss" addition, I was more undisciplined on my free days, causing me to be continually playing catch-up every single week.

So that's happening this time, too. Up until this week, I have been able to control my habits sufficiently to get a great score, but I have taken advantage of my free days to the same level, and I'm still only down about 1 pound from my starting weight.

I'd rather have the weight loss than the money. I think it's an excellent idea to change the rules to include weight loss. But I think it's wrong to change the rules mid-game; it should be next time. I wanted to say something in the middle of Round 1, but I felt like it would be whiney and weak to say "No Fair!" to the rules the way they were established at that time. It made me think of a baseball league my brothers were in years ago. They had some great hitters, and ended up getting several homeruns every game. So the league actually made a rule that you could only hit so many homeruns per game!

If you think I'm saying this because Dan and I are in the lead, I'll quit right now. I don't give a crap about the money. I'd rather have lost another 15 pounds. But my emotional battles are so fierce right now, I don't give a crap about this contest either. I did, and worked hard in spite of my pain, until this week. Now, to think everybody's saying it's not fair that Dan and I will win because there's no weight loss goal involved (since Laureen is obviously not losing weight) - I've just got so much bigger things to worry about.

So I'm out. Good luck. Sorry Dan.