Ammon and Aristotle

There has definitely been a theme lately with all of us - I can't do this with the stress and anxiety currently in my life. I have felt it as acutely as ever. This is how I lost my partner in the first contest last spring. She couldn't imagine trying to do all these hard things when her life was falling apart. And this is a dear friend of mine, and she wasn't exaggerating - her life was falling apart.

But what are we really saying? I can't take care of myself when my life is falling apart. Excuse me? I think the sun was in my ears.....WHAT? That's exactly when it's more important than ever to take care of yourself! And I am not faulting my darling friend's choice, but I'm hearing similar sentiments of late, and I've been one of those voicing them. If we all made a list of the conditions in our individual lives that are currently breaking our backs, and hearts, we would weep for each other, run to each other, hold each other. And bring pie.

Someplace along the line, we have conditioned ourselves to let our foundations fall apart when the storm was blowing around us, shaking us to our core, thinking somehow - and erroneously - that it would lessen, or remove, some of the stress. It reminds me of Ammon... (WHAT?)

Ammon had a really rough day, one particular day. He had been very busy keeping the king's other servants alive by rounding up stolen sheep, fighting off the thieves, and dismembering the thieves who were coming against him. Frankly, he was beat. He got back to the king's palace, and all he really wanted was a hot meal, a hot bath, and bed. But wait! The king had told the servants to make sure his horses were ready for a road trip (sans M&M's). Sigh. If I want this king to listen to me, if I want to have any credibility, I'd better go take care of those dang horses...

Meanwhile, the other servants gathered up all the dismembered arms to show the king the frightening day they'd all had. And, as some of you will remember, the king was pretty impressed. Shocked would be a bit more accurate. There in his living room was a basketful of arms, and a group of servants telling him about this remarkable new employee. "Well where is he now?" the king asked incredulously. The answer is MONUMENTAL, and brings me, finally, to my point. "He's watering the horses."

If there were ever a day that Ammon could have had a note from home, I'm thinking this was the day. 'Please excuse Ammon from watering the horses. He's been busy recovering stolen sheep and lopping off the arms of thieves.' You can tell by the king's reaction, that he was completely flabbergasted at Ammon's faithfulness in this tiny little maintenance thing, when compared to the monstrous things he'd been busy with the rest of the day.

I don't know who said it, but dig this: "To be faithful in little things, is a big thing."

Every single day I've gotten on my treadmill when I'm so exhausted I want to weep, I experience a surreal, almost out-of-body sensation. These have been the days, in the past, when my lack of sleep, my desperate worry over one of my children, my feelings of being overwhelmed at today's to-do list, have been my note from home to the Self-care Principal: 'Please excuse Laureen today. She couldn't possibly _____ (exercise, eat healthy, TAKE A BATH) because of everything else that is expected of her today.' And yet, thanks to this contest, I am slowly learning to do it anyway - not just in spite of the stressful day, but because of it.

Women really suck at putting their own oxygen masks on before they begin to scramble to put on everybody else's. We act like it's the supreme act of selfishness to even put our own names on our to-do list!

But ladies (and Dan, my favorite tree) - we MUST put our own names at the top of the list. Everyone we love is counting on it. We are the nucleus of an organism - a family. And if we are sick, or stressed, or non-functioning - it affects the entire organism. We learned long ago - probably from watching our own ill-equipped mothers - to equate bad self-care with pampering ourselves. Read that last sentence again: We learned to equate bad self-care with pampering ourselves.

It is hard to learn new patterns and change that kind of thinking. That is what this contest is about. This has been a watershed year for me - doing this contest 3 times now. I am learning that I have equated bad self-care with pampering. I am learning that I am better equipped to deal with stolen sheep and thieves when I've watered myself first (pardon my mixing of the metaphor here - just go with it).

When we're tired and stressed - we WANT pie! Or to slug off exercising. Or whatever. And to think, the whole time we're doing it, that we're pampering ourselves. Oh certainly, after a day like today, I don't have to turn the computer off and go to bed at a decent hour! Certainly, after no sleep, I deserve to skip exercising, or to have waffles to jump start my adrenals today!

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I mean THE. HARDEST. I did it better in the first contest; for some reason, this time around, my old habits are screaming to "comfort" me in this current crucible I find myself in. But I am learning that there is peace in self-care. It is a powerful, higher example to set for our children. It is HARD. I am currently sucking at it. I am barely getting my points. BARELY. But I am getting them.

Every day is a chance to practice! And keeping score helps us to focus on what we are having the hardest time with. If day after day, we're barely getting five meals, then we have to pay closer attention to that and practice it - again! We're going to get it wrong sometimes. But this contest is teaching me to ditch my toxic 'all-or-nothing' thinking. I CAN do this! Not all at once, and not perfectly. But one day at a time, I can learn this! You lock me in the controlled room long enough - and I will get it!

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." (Aristotle) Which means - you don't start out excellent. You get there by practice. A sign, with that quote, hangs over my front door so my piano students see it every time they leave my house. With practice, we can learn anything. We just have to be patient enough with ourselves, to allow ourselves, to really stink up the place while we do it!

You guys ROCK! Don't give up. I nearly did this week, and Dan, thanks for the encouraging words. We can do this - one stinky day at a time!